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Mar. 9th, 2009 @ 07:11 pm 160 Cal Day!
Yay!  I feel accomplished after a weekend of eating all kinds of crap!  All I've had is a Progresso soup.  It's terrible when you eat and your not even remotely hungry.  That's how this weight got put on in the first place!  I swear on weekends I just can't STOP sometimes!  I was going to eat a lean cuisine for dinner but I think I can make it without.  I just don't want to get hungry at like 11:30 at night and binge on crap.

I swear my bf sounded worried today on the phone too!  He says he hates to hear how I torture myself with not eating.  Then we were talking about how the pool at my apartment should be ready to swim in so soon and how I'm gonna get out there and tan ALL the time.  You know he's worried about guys checking me out and trying to talk to me?  I was just like Yeah Right...if I look the way I do now they will definately pass my beached whale ass by.

Do I really have to go bikini shopping soon?  God this sucks.
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Mar. 4th, 2009 @ 01:49 pm THREE MONTHES TILL BIKINIS??? OH SHIT!!!


I had my weight down to 128 right when my bf came back from work the last time and then blew it and just didn't care.

I've been eating whatever I want.  I checked my bank account for how much I've spent on food this last month and it was $177.00!  And believe me it was all Wendy's McDonald's and crap crap crap!  I could use that money for some new clothes or furniture for my new apt or anything but food!

So my bf is gone for 3 weeks this time at work so I have no excuses!  I have to stop the fast food crap and I never eat out at restaurants unless he's home.  I can survive on the little bit of food in my house while he's away but when he's in town I feel bad making him go hungry!  Lol!

But I may have found something that could work...with only three monthes and the bikini situation looming in the VERY near future I am freaking out!

I've gotten some weight loss pills that suppress your appetite.  They are actually for obese people which I am not-but feel like it sometimes!! haha..anyway I have taken them for 2 days now and have not eaten as much as I normally would so we will see.

Hopefully I will see some progress...I got back up to 134 again now.  I know if I don't get this shit figured out it's gonna be another embarressing summer-which I CANNOT TAKE!  I am so tired of this weight it's gotta go. 

It's funny cause in my  minds eye I can see myself getting older and heavier and heavier and I can see how I would look HUGE!  Like I know it will happen if I continue doing what I'm doing now.  I will be a huge fat F#$% crying about how I used to be so thin.  I look at pictures from ten years ago and can see such a big difference I was 115-120 then and I looked so good.  Even just five years ago I was so much thinner.  gggggrrrr....gotta do this...I have to do this....

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Jan. 23rd, 2009 @ 11:49 am back on track
Current Mood: amused
I told my self I wasn't going to write about anything diet related until I got back to the weight where I left off.  So I am back to 131.  I screwed up royal with all the overeating when I was hanging out with my boyfriend and his family and woah!  I was back up to 138 pounds in no time.  My only problem now is trying to get into the swing of things with working out.  I have to figure out a schedule that works for me.  For the two weeks Heath is gone I have to go at night when he works nights at like 10 after my son gets to sleep, and then I have to work out at 5 am before he wakes up the week Heath works days.  Yuck!  Too late and too early!  Which is why I haven't done it haha!  I will start tommorow bright and early Saturday morning at 5 a.m!  I just want to walk the treadmill for like an hour and do 1/2 hr of abs.  That is simple enough right?  Yeah we'll see lol!
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Jan. 15th, 2009 @ 04:41 pm The 5 second rule does not apply to buses
Current Mood: random

Disgusted mother to little girl who picked up a Swedish fish she dropped on the bus floor: Don't eat that.
Little girl, dusting it off: It's okay, I'll kiss it up to god.
Mother: Don't you dare put that in your mouth. You have no idea what was on the floor.
Little girl, putting it in her mouth and chewing it: It's okay! I kissed it up to god! (swallows it) What are you going to do about it?
Mother, angrily: I'm not going to do anything. You're just going to die.

--Q18 Bus

 

Ah this reminds me so much of my struggles with my son!  LMAO!


 

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Jan. 5th, 2009 @ 04:31 pm Rough New Year!!
Current Mood: crappy
On New Year's Eve I went to Heath's friends party and had a great time, drank too much and got to meet some friends of his that I had never met before. The next day we had lunch at his Aunt May's house-sweetest southern woman-made the best food EVER, I didn't know what half of my food was but it was excellent! Next day we took his brother Luke and his girlfriend Amanda out on Bourbon Street to show them around...we did a historical cariage ride, ate beignets at Cafe Du Monde, ate at thebrew pub on Decatur and then went bar hopping and oh!  Patron is not my friend!  I was so hung over Friday-worse than the whiskey hangover from New Year's Eve-yuck!  Then we went to Aunt May's to eat again for lunch and had Sonic for dinner that night hanging at Ree and Adam's while the boys shot the AK and the 45's...I shot the 22 revolver and the 22 pistol but was scared to shoot anything bigger.  I am such a wimp about guns I really get complete anxiety around them, just having them around makes me nervous.  And my boyfriend is a gun fanatic-ex marine so that doesn't mesh well.  Then yesterday we took Luke and Amanda to the French Market, stopped and had coffee at Cafe Envie and then stayed home the rest of the day and ordered in so.....4 pound gain back.  Ugh...so much drinking and food...I'm back to 135  I have got to get back on track tommorow, it's just so hard with Heath home--I do better when he's gone....oh well..it'll come back off in a week!   :)
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Dec. 31st, 2008 @ 12:04 pm Happy New Year!
Current Mood: excited
Tonight is going to be such a blast!  Going to a party where there will be a ton of booze, food and a HUGE fireworks display...funded by none other than the love of my life!  He rocks!  I can party like I'm 21 again tonight and not have to work tommorow-paid holidays rock too!  Well my xmas dinner went off sorta well :/  I was making everything for the first time so pretty much I found something wrong with everything except the ham and cheesy brocolli-oh well!  I was very pleased to find that I did not load up my plate the way I normally would and I couldn't finish a lot of it!  I read a dieting tip eat three bites of every food on your plate then throw the rest away.  I will have to try that!  Still 131 today so no damage from dinner but that was because I only ate two apples the rest of the day!  I am not doing too bad I'd say though with a 6 pound loss and not really starving myself or bingeing which is hard for me!  Well Happy New Year everybody!
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Dec. 30th, 2008 @ 12:45 pm Over 2000 calories and losing weight?
Current Mood: surprised
Well I ate pretty badly the last two days and amazingly I'm down to 131 today!  I had a bowl of pasta and three cookies both days and last night I drank two beers (well almost) and have managed to lose.  I never realized just how fattening pasta can be until I actually looked up the calories yesterday and I really didn't even want to eat it but I would have been starving by the time I got home and I didn't want to binge y'know?  So I waited to eat it until around 3 and didn't have anything elese the rest of the day.  It's sad to know you can only eat 1 bowl of pasta for a total of a whole day's calories god!  I love the damn stuff.  Oh well, tonight I am  making another Christmas dinner so here goes....
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Dec. 29th, 2008 @ 09:01 am Holidays Are Almost Over
Current Mood: impressed
Well it is the 29th and I have been home since Saturday night.  My vacation was excellent, saw all my family and had a great time!  I had pretty much given up on my diet after I arrived in Philly because my parents LOVE to eat!  My dad was joking that if I lived with them I would weigh 200 pounds in no time and he wasn't lying.  They cooked every meal every day and had sweets to snack on in between.  I couldn't weigh myself until today and I was SURE I had gained it all back.  But surprisingly I only weigh 133!  So I gained 1 pound back.  Amazing.  I took a laxative Friday morning but it didn't work until 3 a.m last night but I'm sure that helped!  Well my baby gets home off the oil rig tommorow and I am cooking him Christmas dinner since he was working through Christmas :(  The holidays are a killer.  Always a reason to eat!  After tommorow night I have one more xmas dinner Saturday night with Heath's family and after that I have to totally buckle down.  I am so in love with my boyfriend though I don't think anything could mess with how great I feel right now!
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Dec. 24th, 2008 @ 11:34 am Christmas Eve!!!
Yeah it's that time again!  And I am here in Philly enjoying my vacation with the rents at Christmas time.  It's great to be here, I am keeping track of the diet, but like I said it's probably going to be near impossible not to gain with all the great food! lol, well anyways here yesterdays record.  Since I knew I'd be gettin that cheesesteak when I came in I ate an apple for breakfast, a banana for lunch, then had half a slice of brooklyn style pizza and a 12" cheesesteak (worth every bite!), then I stayed up with my dad drinking and talking politics till 2 am.  So calories for the day was 1269 which I was completely amazed with!  I think coors light will become my new fave beer-only 57 calories!  Less then Miller Lite (98),  which is what I like to drink and a hell of a lot less than what I usually end up drinking-my boyfriends fave beer Budweisier which is 145 cal a can-yuck!  Today I am going to try to stay low-but I'm not going to freak if Drea ends up wanting to go out to eat when she picks me up tonight to hang out-so we will see!  MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!
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Dec. 23rd, 2008 @ 09:52 am Lost 1 more pound
Current Location: work
Current Mood: nervous
Tags:
I had a 500 cal day yesterday and when I got on the scale I am down to 132.  I have been dieting only less than a week and have dropped 5 pounds.  I hope it's not too much too fast!  I don't want to to slow my metabolism or lose muscle!  The thing is though, honestly I think the 5 pounds will be right back on after Christmas!  I am leaving today for my trip home to Philly.  Well if it all goes back on at least it helped to lose it so I didn't go over 140 after the holidays!  Surpisingly not hungry this morning after such a low cal day, I brought an apple and a banana to snack on if I get too hungry but I'm saving my calories for when my parents take me out to dinner tonight!  Ah philly cheesesteaks, hoagies...my grandmom's pie-it's gonna be bad lol!
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Dec. 22nd, 2008 @ 05:00 pm After a Bad Weekend...
Current Location: work
Current Mood: relieved
Tags:
Only 1 pound gained back!  Yay!  I ate 2200 calories yesterday-sickening I know...but boredom around the house prompts me to eat.  I have to stay more active...but I only weigh 134 today so good deal seeing as how I screwed my weekend up so bad.  Only 120 cal today so far and it's 5 p.m....only planning on eating like 300 cal for dinner. Tommorow I am going home to Philly for the holidays and my parents want to take me out to eat when I get off the plane.  There is going to be nothing but lunches and dinners out for the next five days so yikes!  I  am just going to have like 100 cal till I get to Philly then have like a salad with balsamic or something...I can't not eat it would be rude right?  : ) 
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Dec. 21st, 2008 @ 02:16 pm bad day
Current Location: at home where the kitchen is ah!
Current Mood: disappointed
3180 cal yesterday, what more can I say?  ugh...
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Dec. 20th, 2008 @ 07:42 pm BDSM quiz
Current Mood: mischievous
Just for fun kinda quiz, I've been talking to my boyfriend alot about all this and wanted to see where I scored. I think it's funny I have experimental and exhibitionist equally!


You Scored as Experimental

(((Note: I haven't covered all aspects of BDSM in this quiz due to the length the quiz would have to be. It is sex-based because psychological profiles can be complicated and motivations for engaging in fetishes vary with couples and individuals. I have written this category as one of the alternatives because this quiz is to test inclination not a definite interest in BDSM.))) Experimentation is a great place to be. Open-mindedness when it comes to sexuality can open doors and allow you to discover things that you didn't think you would find engaging. Having such a curious attitude can help you learn more about your own sexual nature as well as the nature of others.

Experimental
93%
Exhibitionist / Voyeur
93%
Switch
89%
Bondage
79%
Masochist
61%
Submissive
50%
Dominant
46%
Sadist
36%
Degradation Lover
25%
Vanilla
21%
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Dec. 20th, 2008 @ 03:29 pm Jeans are fitting again!
Current Location: my room
Current Mood: relaxed
Current Music: Disney channel my sons watching
Yesterday I woke up pretty hungry after an 830 cal day so I went to the cafeteria in the hospital at work and picked up breakfast and wow!  I won't make that mistake again.  Scrambled eggs, three slices bacon, hashbrowns and biscuit for a total of 790 cal yuck!  Last night I ate steamed veggies and rice again for 385 cal --total of 1175 for the day.  Really high, so I did 15 minutes on the elliptical and 15 on the treadmill.  It was two and a half miles and burned 215 calories so that brings it down to 960 for the day.  It feels kinda like cheating to say that though.
All I know is when I woke up this morning I started taking pics in the nude from all angles and you could see a HUGE change in my stomach!  So I started putting on some of the jeans I haven't even looked at in like two monthes and I could actually get them on again!  Sitting comfortably was another story though yuck!
I don't have a scale at home so I can't weigh myself till I go back to work Monday...and I just went grocery shopping so I'm trying to hide from the kitchen full of food lol!  We'll see Monday how the weekend treated me....
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Dec. 19th, 2008 @ 01:20 pm Lost 4 pounds!
Current Mood: chipper
Tags:
I am just going to get on here and post how the previous day went because I can promise my self to do one thing and it turns out something totally different!
Had 830 cal yesterday....lunch was 4 oz grilled chicken, 1/2 cup peas, 1/2 cup white rice and dinner was 2 cups steamed veggies and 1/2 cup white rice...sooo when I weighed today I am down to 133!
On losertown it said I have to eat 1500 cal a day to maintain 120 but to get there by March I just have to stay under 1000.  I was trying to follow the doctors diet but I want to see how low I can stay without being ravenous all day long and if I eat well then it's got to be healthy right?
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Dec. 18th, 2008 @ 11:36 am Fasting Day 2
Current Location: work
Well the diet was blown yesterday.  I was steadily hungry throughout the day.   I left work not thinking about my hunger though, only to forget the other cup of shake that I was saving for the evening.  Boy was that a mistake.  I had my son's Christmas performance to go to and by the time I got home I felt possesed lol!  I was so hungry when I made my sons dinner I had to leave the room to get away from the smell of it and do some housework to keep my mind off of it.  By the time we got to the performance I was so hungry my vision was fuzzy my hands were shaking and it was all I could think about.  Finally it passed and by the time Josh was on stage I could enjoy myself again but for a minute there I felt like I was in a black pit.  Similar to the way I felt quitting smoking when I couldn't have a ciggerette just plain bitchy and horrible ya know?  Well by the time I got home I was just miserable so I made myself a 1/2 cup of rice and 2 cups of steamed veggies for a total of 480 calories for the day, not too bad but I know I can do better today.  I lost 1 pound as well but who knows what that could be attributed to.  All I have to lose is three pounds a month to get the results I want though so after 1 day that's awesome.  I think it is all in what your body gets used to too.  It's easy to eat whatever you want, it's so difficult to fast and not eat anything.  I think that if I can keep my calories low today as well then Friday I will break and Sunday do it again.  I wonder how many days in a row I could go 500 cal or less though?  I figure if I have to eat I will wait till around 2:30 and have a veggie platter from the cafeteria downstairs and that will be my meal for the day.  That way I will pretty much burn it off by the time I go to sleep and it won't hinder my progress too much.  Everybody says a big breakfast in the morning triggers your metabolism though, but I think it would make me more hungry through the day.  I would probably eat again.  As long as pounds are coming off I will figure out some workable way to do this no matter what.  I don't want to be miserable or terrible company though either I want to diet and be happy.  Is that possible lol?
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Dec. 17th, 2008 @ 02:30 pm Day 1 Fast
Current Location: work
Current Mood: determined
Tags:
So today I started Dr. Johnson's Alternate Day Diet again.  I did it for a while before the summer of 07 but quit after about 10 pounds and one month.  Since then I have had a steady increase in weight gain.  My weight was 132 on Traineo in March 07 and now in December 08 it is 137.  I have gained 5 pounds and the scale keeps creeping towards the 140's which scares the hell out of me.  Before I had my son and what I consider my IDEAL weight to be was 120.  That means I have 17 pounds to go and I am trying to acheive this by June 15th 09.  Which only means three pounds a month.  So I figure that's a healthy approach.  I know that I will likely lose most of the weight in as little as a month with the fasting so I am trying to stick with it long term this time (6 mos) and then I will just do maintenance.  All I had today was water water water...2 cups of coffee with creamer and splenda...and I mixed up a MetRX shake which is 240 calories, which made two 16 oz cups of it and I have only had 1/2 a cup.  I drank 1/2 at noon, I'll drink another 1/2 at three, 1/2 at six, and the other 1/2 before bed.  I picked today (wednesday), Friday and Sunday as my down days-what Dr. Johnson calls the fasting days-and the rest of the week I can eat whatever I want as long as it's not exceeding like 2000 calories.  My hunger is steady today since I woke up hungry-don't know if that was me psychosomatically feeling hunger since I knew I couldn't eat today or what.  I haven't actually experienced hunger PAIN yet, but probably will tonight since the hunger reaches highest levels at dinner time.  I went to bed early when I did the diet before which I'll probably do again so I've got about six hours to go before I go to sleep at 9 which means I've already accomplished 8 hours of the fast.  I figured I would track my progress on here so that I can actually go back and see how far I've come.  I have got to be determined to get my weight under control or it will really all go to hell.  I've managed to get almost 20 pounds overweight and it's hard to fathom how that happened.  Right now I can only fit into about four pairs of the jeans that I own, the size 9's..my size 6's and 7's are just staring at me from my closet tauntingly!  This is horrible!  I have so many clothes that I wont even consider wearing because I know they look horrible when just three years ago those sizes fit perfectly.  UGH!  Well I will keep journaling and hopefully it will keep me motivated to do the diet well!
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